We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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