Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
