now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
