Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
