So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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