The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I had to cum in my sink.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize