no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize