I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize