Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
