I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When are your genitals available?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
