I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
