Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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