That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
