is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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