How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
