Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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