Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
In America we eat man semen.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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