No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
