Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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