I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
