Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
