I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
