Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
