I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
