your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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