Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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