My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
