i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize