fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize