Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
