We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
