Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
