is your mom at the bar?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
