you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
