Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
