could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
