my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
is it fun? or sober?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
