You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
