now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
