I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
