trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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