did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize