do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
