my mouth tastes like poor choices
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
