she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I had to cum in my sink.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
