my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize