My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
