More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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