very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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