i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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