Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize