just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
