Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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