3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we're making bets on your personal life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
