mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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