What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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