my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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