My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
