Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
honey bunches of taint.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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