I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
