Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
