Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
