Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I deserve this hangover.
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