You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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