I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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