TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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