Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We need a shit load of segways right now
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
