You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
