you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
