Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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