I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Drake has all the answers
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
